We Believe in Being Chaste

"The doctrine I (describe may) seem to be archaic and outdated to many people in a world that increasingly mocks the sanctity of procreation and minimizes the worth of human life. But the Lord’s truth is not altered by fads, popularity, or public opinion polls. I promise that obedience to the law of chastity will increase our happiness in mortality and make possible our progress in eternity. Chastity and virtue are now, always have been, and always will be “most dear and precious above all things” (Moroni 9:9)." Elder Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

We Believe in Being Chaste

BY ELDER DAVID A. BEDNAR

"My message addresses a fundamental question of great spiritual consequence: Why is the law of chastity so important? I pray the Holy Ghost will confirm the truthfulness of the principles I emphasize.

The Father’s Plan of Happiness

The eternal importance of chastity can only be understood within the overarching context of our Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness for His children. “All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and … has a divine nature and destiny” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 129). All men and women lived with God as His spirit children before coming to the earth as mortal beings. The Father’s plan enables His spirit sons and daughters to obtain physical bodies, to gain mortal experience, and to progress toward exaltation.

The Importance of a Physical Body

Our physical bodies make possible a breadth, a depth, and an intensity of experience that simply could not be obtained in our premortal existence. Thus, our relationships with other people, our capacity to recognize and act in accordance with truth, and our ability to obey the principles and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ are amplified through our physical bodies. In the school of mortality, we experience tenderness, love, kindness, happiness, sorrow, disappointment, pain, and even the challenges of physical limitations in ways that prepare us for eternity. Simply stated, there are lessons we must learn and experiences we must have, as the scriptures describe, “according to the flesh” (1 Nephi 19:6; Alma 7:12–13).

The Power of Procreation

After the earth was created, Adam was placed in the Garden of Eden. Importantly, however, God said “it was not good that the man should be alone” (Moses 3:18; see also Genesis 2:18), and Eve became Adam’s wife and helpmeet. The unique combination of spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional capacities of both males and females was needed to enact the plan of happiness. “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11). The man and the woman are intended to learn from, strengthen, bless, and complete each other.

The means by which mortal life is created is divinely appointed. “The first commandment … God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife” (Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 129). The commandment to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force today. Thus, marriage between a man and a woman is the authorized channel through which premortal spirits enter mortality. Complete sexual abstinence before marriage and total fidelity within marriage protect the sanctity of this sacred channel.

The power of procreation is spiritually significant. Misuse of this power subverts the purposes of the Father’s plan and of our mortal existence. Our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son are creators and have entrusted each of us with a portion of Their creative power. Specific guidelines for the proper use of the ability to create life are vital elements in the Father’s plan. How we feel about and use that supernal power will determine in large measure our happiness in mortality and our destiny in eternity.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks explained:

“The power to create mortal life is the most exalted power God has given his children. Its use was mandated in the first commandment, but another important commandment was given to forbid its misuse. The emphasis we place on the law of chastity is explained by our understanding of the purpose of our procreative powers in the accomplishment of God’s plan. …

“Outside the bonds of marriage, all uses of the procreative power are to one degree or another a sinful degrading and perversion of the most divine attribute of men and women” (“The Great Plan of Happiness,” Ensign, Nov. 1993, 74).

The Standard of Sexual Morality

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has a single, undeviating standard of sexual morality: intimate relations are proper only between a man and a woman in the marriage relationship prescribed in God’s plan. Such relations are not merely a curiosity to be explored, an appetite to be satisfied, or a type of recreation or entertainment to be pursued selfishly. They are not a conquest to be achieved or simply an act to be performed. Rather, they are in mortality one of the ultimate expressions of our divine nature and potential and a way of strengthening emotional and spiritual bonds between husband and wife. We are agents blessed with moral agency and are defined by our divine heritage as children of God—and not by sexual behaviors, contemporary attitudes, or secular philosophies.

The Natural Man

To some degree, the natural man described by King Benjamin is alive and well in each of us (see Mosiah 3:19). The natural man or woman is unrepentant, is carnal and sensual (see Mosiah 16:5; Alma 42:10; Moses 5:13), is indulgent and excessive, and is prideful and selfish. As President Spencer W. Kimball taught, “The ‘natural man’ is the ‘earthy man’ who has allowed rude animal passions to overshadow his spiritual inclinations” (“Ocean Currents and Family Influences,” Ensign, Nov. 1974, 112).

In contrast, the “man [or woman] of Christ” (Helaman 3:29) is spiritual and bridles all passions (see Alma 38:12), is temperate and restrained, and is benevolent and selfless. Men and women of Christ lay hold upon the word of God, deny themselves and take up His cross (see Matthew 16:24; Mark 8:34; Luke 9:23; D&C 56:2), and press forward along a strait and narrow course of faithfulness, obedience, and devotion to the Savior and His gospel.

As sons and daughters of God, we have inherited divine capacities from Him. But we presently live in a fallen world. The very elements out of which our bodies were created are by nature fallen and ever subject to the pull of sin, corruption, and death. Consequently, the Fall of Adam and its spiritual and temporal consequences affect us most directly through our physical bodies. And yet we are dual beings, for our spirit that is the eternal part of us is tabernacled in a physical body that is subject to the Fall. As Jesus emphasized to the Apostle Peter, “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41).

The precise nature of the test of mortality, then, can be summarized in the following question: Will I respond to the inclinations of the natural man, or will I yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and put off the natural man and become a saint through the Atonement of Christ the Lord (see Mosiah 3:19)? That is the test. Every appetite, desire, propensity, and impulse of the natural man may be overcome by and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We are here on the earth to develop godlike qualities and to bridle all of the passions of the flesh.

The Intent of the Adversary

The Father’s plan is designed to provide direction for His children, to help them become happy, and to bring them safely home to Him with resurrected, exalted bodies. Heavenly Father desires us to be together in the light and filled with hope. In contrast, Lucifer labors to make the sons and daughters of God confused and unhappy and to hinder their eternal progression. The overarching intent of the father of lies is that all of us would become “miserable like unto himself” (2 Nephi 2:27). Lucifer wants us ultimately to be alone in the dark and without hope.

Satan relentlessly works to distort the most important elements of the Father’s plan. He does not have a body, and his eternal progress has been halted. Just as water flowing in a riverbed is stopped by a dam, so the adversary’s eternal progress is thwarted because he does not have a physical body. Because of his rebellion, Lucifer has denied himself all of the mortal blessings and experiences made possible through a body of flesh and bones. He cannot learn the lessons that only an embodied spirit can learn. He resents the reality of a literal and universal resurrection of all mankind. One of the potent scriptural meanings of the word damned is illustrated in his inability to continue developing and becoming like our Heavenly Father.

Because a physical body is so central to the Father’s plan of happiness and our spiritual development, Lucifer seeks to frustrate our progression by tempting us to use our bodies improperly. One of the ultimate ironies of eternity is that the adversary, who is miserable precisely because he has no physical body, entices us to share in his misery through the improper use of our bodies. The very tool he does not have is thus the primary target of his attempts to lure us to spiritual destruction.

Violating the law of chastity is a grievous sin and a misuse of our physical tabernacles. To those who know and understand the plan of salvation, defiling the body is an act of rebellion (see Mosiah 2:36–37; D&C 64:34–35) and a denial of our true identity as sons and daughters of God. As we look beyond mortality and into eternity, it is easy to discern that the counterfeit companionship advocated by the adversary is temporary and empty.

The Blessings of Being Chaste

Alma counseled his son Shiblon to “bridle all [of his] passions, that [he] may be filled with love” (Alma 38:12). Significantly, disciplining the natural man in each of us makes possible a richer, a deeper, and a more enduring love of God and of His children. Love increases through righteous restraint and decreases through impulsive indulgence.

President Marion G. Romney declared:

“I can think of no blessings to be more fervently desired than those promised to the pure and the virtuous. Jesus spoke of specific rewards for different virtues but reserved the greatest, so it seems to me, for the pure in heart, ‘for they,’ said he, ‘shall see God’ (Matt. 5:8). And not only shall they see the Lord, but they shall feel at home in his presence.

“Here is … the Savior’s promise: ‘Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God’ (D&C 121:45)” (“Trust in the Lord,” Ensign, May 1979, 42).

We also are promised that, as we pursue the pathway of virtue, “the Holy Ghost shall be [our] constant companion” (D&C 121:46). Thus, living the law of chastity invites some of the greatest blessings men and women can receive in mortality: appropriate spiritual confidence in the presence of family, friends, Church associates, and, ultimately, the Savior. Our innate longing to belong is fulfilled in righteousness as we walk in the light with hope.

The Principle of Repentance

Some of you who receive this message need to repent of sexual or other sins. The Savior is often referred to as the Great Physician, and this title has both symbolic and literal significance. All of us have experienced the pain associated with a physical injury or wound. When we are in pain, we typically seek relief and are grateful for the medication and treatments that help to alleviate our suffering. Consider sin as a spiritual wound that causes guilt or, as described by Alma to his son Corianton, “remorse of conscience” (Alma 42:18). Guilt is to our spirit what pain is to our body—a warning of danger and a protection from additional damage. From the Atonement of the Savior flows the soothing salve that can heal our spiritual wounds and remove guilt. However, this salve can only be applied through the principles of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, repentance, and consistent obedience. The results of sincere repentance are peace of conscience, comfort, and spiritual healing and renewal.

Your bishop or branch president is the spiritual physician’s assistant who is authorized to help you repent and heal. Please remember, however, that the extent and intensity of your repentance must match the nature and severity of your sins—especially for Latter-day Saints who are under sacred covenant. Serious spiritual wounds require sustained treatment and time to heal completely and fully.

A Promise and a Testimony

The doctrine I have described will seem to be archaic and outdated to many people in a world that increasingly mocks the sanctity of procreation and minimizes the worth of human life. But the Lord’s truth is not altered by fads, popularity, or public opinion polls. I promise that obedience to the law of chastity will increase our happiness in mortality and make possible our progress in eternity. Chastity and virtue are now, always have been, and always will be “most dear and precious above all things” (Moroni 9:9). I so testify in the sacred name of the Lord Jesus Christ, amen."

Unit 5 of Dear Abbey

Chapter 14

I have twins—a boy and a girl—that are approaching puberty. I want to make sure I prepare them for events that will come. What is the typical age of menarche? Do boys have a similar pivotal event? What is important for them to know about the transformation of puberty? I remember when I was experienced puberty I felt embarrassed, moody, and afraid. I want to make it easier for them.

Dear Abby,

Boys and girls pubertal development begins about the same time. Pubertal developments of boys are not as obvious as girls, but boys start a little after; maybe a few months or so. The average age is about 12 years old.

It has been a decade, and making new family habits are hard. I don’t know how much that you counsel with your children. I would recommend counseling with your children on a personal private level at least once a month. If you are a rock star parent, Private parent child counseling once a week would be good. Do it as much as needed. Seek an appropriate relationship. Develop a right and a wrong to any conversation that comes up. Don’t be pressured to have an answer at the moment. If you don’t have an answer, tell them that you have to ponder how to advise them in their dilemma. I don’t recommend the parenting style of a permissive parent, where you let the child figure out what is right without much counseling. I encourage that the father and you become united in moral views by discussion in order to not have a proper united stance.

I further recommend that the father counsel with your son. Have each gender parent counsel with the same sex, for you understand better what they will go through a least a little bit. I am not saying that a father cannot counsel with his daughter, but he cannot offer as good as advice at least in the beginning unless he had a sister.

A proper relationship that I have proposed is not a friendship, but of a fatherly or a motherly relationship. Don’t discuss worldly thing that would express hypocrisy in the standards taught. Live up to the principles that you teach. Keep the time as sacred. The times will be sacred. Don’t restrict the topics of the conversations. The conversations should be planned, but not set to that discussion. You will never know how the conversation will be like; therefore, don’t go in with a structured conversation. Although a number of set conversations may be good, this well let your child be prepared to be open to discuss the normal important topic. If a person will not know what is going on, confusion will be felt.

Trust and respect is very important. I had a parent that was trying to guide me to actions that were not my desires. Trust is weaker in this ability, if you are trying to manipulate their actions. It is not counseling then. This is an authoritarian relationship with your child. It is so common that it is called a parenting style. They can be no use to speak to you because they can easily know that you approve or disapprove and see that you are working to make your desires happen not theirs. Let them run their life and have their desires. It throws out trust because it is not for them, but it is for you do have your will accomplished not theirs.

Trust is important to keep; although, you can’t be perfect. It is good to practice this forgiving understanding relationship. They may think that you are a perfect person by your best efforts though. Have a problem solving relationship. They will face a new lifestyle. Change is usually not liked; therefore, there should always be something to talk about.

Make sure that you are good at listening. If you are not a good listening, what is the use of the conversation? You can go off expressing your wisdom on something, and it would not even be what he wanted to discuss. What type of help is that?

Be consistent. I will now review in closing. Personal private parental counseling is a key to informing your children on life. I recommend at weekly. Have standards, which both parents have decided on. Have an appropriate trusting as a parent by being an example of what you teach, listen, don’t have you own agenda for his life, have open conversation about everything, but be planned.

Sincerely

Alex

I know there is variation in when children reach puberty, but I was shocked to hear on the news about a nine-year-old who was pregnant. How is that even possible? Can she still deliver a healthy baby or are there likely to be problems? Why do children so young get involved in sexual relationships?

Dear Abby,

Some youth live really hard lives. It is particularly difficult with they begin menarche early, beginning as early as 8 years old. A hard life can speed the pubertal development. Other causes that may make puberty develop this early are the genetic make-up of the person and a fatty lifestyle.

Often African Americans develop earlier than other races.

A fatty lifestyle causes the production of hormones, and hormones make the changes of puberty of a body. The developing production of hormones can cause the early on-set of puberty. Stress also causes the production of them.

Theoretically, it makes sense that the maturing of a human is speed up by stress because stress indicates self-reliance may need to be implemented earlier. Other the living standards such as the Asian cultures don’t encourage the individual to be self-sustaining and married until the late 20s; all settled down.

The nine-year-old girl that you spoke of can been of a variety of situations. It is probably an abusive relationship; although, girls do feel isolate from the rest of their cohort. If they have puberty before everyone else, they tend to seek an older man’s relationship. Sex abusers attack any age of children. Often-times it is a family member that is the offender.

I heard of the Idaho girl that was impregnated at age 9, and she took the child to full term. The child weighed about 6 pounds.

A teenage pregnancy is risky to the health not to mention that the health of a preteen is at risk, when pregnant at such a young age. They are at risk of preterm labor, higher risk of caesarian section, high blood pressure, and diabetes. These risks are mainly because the child is not fully developed. A nine year old child cannot have grown wide enough hips to safely deliver the baby. This is a huge risk for women. I hope that she had a caesarian section.

I liked how respectful the news organization was for that girl not to expose her identity.

Sincerely

Alex

My 15-year-old daughter is very athletic, but I’m worried because she’s been slow to develop. She has not even had her first period. I wonder if she is pushing herself too hard. Her finish times in her cross-country races have dropped significantly, and her endurance has improved. But I’m concerned because she seems to always be tired. She’d sleep until noon if I’d let her. I’m also bothered a little by her eating habits. Should I be worried about her?

Dear Abby,

If you are worried about her eating habit, you should expound them more than her athletic abilities. The late physical and pubertal development of a girl is nothing to be concerned about compared to eating disorders. If her times are significantly dropping, that can be a cause for concern, if she is working as hard as ever running. I will describe the indicators of eating disorders, so you can be reassured of the deeper problem. Don’t wait to implement intervention, telling me of the situation, if you see these indicators.

One pattern noticed by experts. There is a three step cycle. It is listed as the following behaviors: obsessive dieting, overeating, and over-exercising. I don’t know how much your daughter weighs, so I will expound of the main three eating disorders: anorexia, bulimia, and obesity. Unless you are too ashamed of telling that she has not been much at all, the probability that she is anorexic is low.

These people tend to under-eat and over-exercise. Many young women with anorexia are severely depressed and at risk of suicide. There are 4 symptoms of diagnosis.

·         Refusal to maintain a body weight that is at least 85 percent of normal for age and height

·         An intense fear of weight gain

·         Disturbed body perception and denial of the problem »

·         Absence of menstruation (in adolescent and adult females)

Bulimia is about 3 times more common than anorexia. They tend to eat impulsively, consuming thousands of calories at a time; then, they purges themselves of the calories by induced vomiting or laxatives. Bulimic people may look normal, but they are at risk of damage to their gastrointestinal systems and cardiac arrest from electrolyte imbalance. There are 3 symptoms for this eating disorders diagnosis.

·         Bingeing and purging at least once a week for three months

·         An uncontrollable urges to overeat

·         A distorted perception of body size

In the pattern and cycle written above, Obesity comes when they give up on themselves. Sadly as nearly 30 of youth are over-weight or obese 60% of adolescent girls and 30% of boys are trying to lose weights rather than seeking a healthy diet and an active lifestyle.

The origin of eating disorders can be triggered by testing diet, having odd eating habits; culture; and controlling parental situations. Another sad thing is that the symptoms of your daughter point to anorexia. I hope that this is not true.

Sincerely

Alex

Chapter 15

My teenage daughter is the worry of my life. She doesn’t seem to consider the long-term consequences of her decision. She drives fast, participates in thrill-seeking activities, and I wonder if she is sexually active. I’m terrified that she is going to end up pregnant, with an STD, or worse yet, dead. Is extreme adventure just part of the current generation? How can I help her understand that she is not invincible?

Dear Abby,

These are truly frightening times, a time for your daughter that she follows emotionally driven. I am grateful to tell you that this time, when your daughter is still developing her whole conscientiousness, is temporary.

She is still developing from the effects of the hormonal changes of puberty. These changes give new experiences, feels, desires, and physical changes, a change from a child to an adult. They can may an adolescent have irrational thoughts. These parts of emotion and hormone are of the brain, and they develop first before the cognitive more logical brain is developed, which is called prefrontal cortex. The emotion and hormone part of the brain is called the limbic system. Since the limbic system grows first, the frontal more logical part of the brain may be shut down with cognition and thought; therefore, they are impulsive and thoughtless.

This adolescent radicalism is nothing new; other-than-the-fact, past generations had to mature to be self-reliant by their teenage years, having to practice cognitive awareness. Most generations were sexually active in their adolescence. It is not a characteristic of the generation. Since this generation is more commercialistic than any other generation, these commercial adventures may make their activities extreme. It has only come in recent generations that the child has been protected from labor, giving them a right to education, and there is a time of lacking pragmatic learning. Pragmatic learning is learning from real life situations.

A means of facing reality is to go out into nature. There is a current trend where humans rule the world, domesticating most everything, that we have nature deprived children. I recommend that you take her out on fun activities that show her the real nature of the world. Perhaps let her feel the danger of kayaking down a river, or camping, where there is a risk of bears, if she ignores proper precautions.

I hope that this is helpful.

Sincerely

Alexander Hicken

My house is full of teenage drama. A bad hair day is a catastrophe. My daughter is so self-conscious of every zit, of her clothing, and what others might think of how she looks. I fear that she might develop an eating disorder. She seems very concerned about what others think of her. I try to comfort her, but she acts as if I grew up on another planet and that I have no idea about anything. Is this typical behavior for adolescents? What should I do?

Dear Abby,

I already sent you a letter about how to see the proper hints of eating disorders. Have you ignored that letter? They have lifelong risks. The teenage years are the time, when the body builds its foundation of their adulthood. Eating disorders are very serious situations not to be taken lightly neither should this foundational development of your health.

Adolescence still has not grown out of the egocentrism. They still think that the world revolves around their thought processes; therefore, their impulsive, emotion, immature thoughts are imposed on everyone else. They think that they are the pinnacle of society, and they need to live up to that standard. Since they are the pinnacle of society, their wisdom is greatest, and your rational is foolish.

Comforting them is good. Although they may not appreciate it verbally, they do appreciate it. Adolescents are prone to forsake the cognitive processes, but they are available to practice. Adolescents have a tendency to think a lot of themselves. They face very hard time with peer pressure and completely new concepts concerning life. They face new situation, feelings, body shape, desires, and more. These changes need a lot of thought, but they may forsake thought occasionally to relax. They are trying to adapt. Figuring out the temporal things may ease the stress of adolescence according to their experience. I hope that you understand that this behavior is natural by my extensive explanation.

I recommend that you don’t stress their faults, maintaining a proper parental relationship. Explore your role as a parent, realizing that your role is not merely to be a friend, but a parent should be more than a friend. Since they have cognitive capacity, appeal to their judgments. A teaching relationship can be trusted, if you have applied it from before puberty. The fruits may change this relationship as they may not recognize your wisdom as applicable, but seeking a counseling relationship can be good, understanding them. This may not be good to apply if you are beginning it now.

Sincerely

Alexander Hicken

I feel I have lost all influence with my teenage son. He used to listen to me. Now he questions and debates everything I say. There is always some hypothetical situation or contrived example. While I appreciate his idealism, he is so naïve about things. For example, he believes that there should be absolutely no laws that curtail our religious freedoms. He also oversimplifies the political problems in our country and believes a few correct decisions are going to fix everything. If teens are better able to think abstractly, why are so many of their ideas so naïve?

Dear Abby,

Adolescents are discovering new thought processes as well as many other things; therefore, they are very into themselves. They think of a lot concerning themselves, and they are still emerging from childhood. Although they think a lot of themselves, their cognitive processes are limited too as the prefrontal cortex if the last to develop and that is developmental to wiser logic as they learn from experience. Adolescents can be into themselves a lot, exploring abstract thought, since that is a new skill. As you may have realized, your son’s mind is just embracing idealism by this new ability with analytically, logically, and as you have noticed hypothetically. Since these abilities are new brand, an adult would think that their thinking is naïve; however, their confidence in their understanding is starting from the basics of grasping the concepts of, the philosophy, idealism. Their state of new hormone balancing as well as emotion limits their thought processes and simplifies them. This suppression of logic makes them impulsive upon little thought. These are some reasons developmental reasons why your son is “naïve.”

Sincerely

Alexander Hicken

Chapter 16

My teenage daughter is so obedient. I hear horror stories from other parents about their teens pushing the boundaries, exploring new fads or activities, or participating in risky behavior. While I want her to be wise and safe, I sometimes wonder if she is too cautious. She seems content to adopt our values, work in the family business, and carry on where we have left off. Should I be concerned? Or are we just fortunate parents?

Dear Abby,

Developmentalists have named 4 attitudes of adolescence. They are named at the following: (1) achievement and (2) role confusion, some choose (3) foreclosure, others (4) moratorium. These attitudes will be described, for they are in relation to role identity. An adolescent characterized by the achieved role identity has found their goals in life. Role confused adolescents have little or no purpose in their work perhaps academic work has no purpose in their life. Foreclosure of adolescence is a lifestyle or attitude of going through life following the expectations of tradition, without question or many goals. The moratorium of adolescence is the periods of times that people engage it to delay committing one life to a cause; thus, this cause will be creating of the individuals. These delaying activities are a stage of finding one’s identity. Taking general classes at a college deciding ones career path is an example as well as military service and missionary work. I would say that your daughter is in the stage of foreclosure. This is not permanent; although, it can be a lasting attitude. These 4 observations of development are stages in finding their identity.

Sincerely

Alex Hicken

In early adolescence, my daughter had more friends than she does now. She does have a few close friends, but I’ve encouraged her to expand her friendship group. How do friendships change during adolescence? When do most start pairing off with the opposite sex and spending less time with their same-sex friends? Is there anything parents should know about friendships?

Dear Abby,

It is common for children to seek groups of friends that you are used to, but your child is growing to be an adult. Soon the only thing that she will care about is here husband and children. There is a transition transitioning from groups of friends to smaller mixed-sex groups and lastly coupling up with private intimacy. Adolescence usually begin date by their 16^th birthday by national studies, but I volunteered at a local middle school. These trends may be earlier than thought. I know that middle school students date, engage in risky activity, and sexual relations.  These may be extreme cases. I don’t know. I don’t encourage parents to participant in the manipulation of children’s friendships. They should choose for themselves; although, we see children and the peers making clichés. What can you do?

Sincerely

Alexander Hicken

Is parent-child conflict inevitable during the teen years, or am I just doing something wrong? I know teens near adulthood and need more independence, but with all the crazy decisions, they make it seems quite obvious that they still need a lot of help and guidance. How can I remain influential in my teens’ life while still helping them grow? What advice do you have for parents and/or adolescents during this challenging time?

Dear Abby,

Parent- child conflicts are common and inevitable; although, contention does not have to be frequent. Adolescents still need a guiding parent, and I highly advice a counseling relationship to help in their decision making in private discussions. Parents have the most important role in the learning of adolescence; although, they may seek peer acceptance. You need to provide a refresh relationship with them.

Sincerely

Alexander Hicken

Unit 4 of Dear Abby

Chapter 11, Letter 1 - 3

I’m concerned because my ten-year-old daughter’s grades have been dropping. It’s been a tough year for her. She has already begun menstruation, and it is on the heavy side. She’s about five feet tall and has a BMI of 29. She’s missed quite a few days of school because she says she can’t breathe, but I wonder if she is just having problems with friends. What should I do?
Dear Abby,
 This age of your child is called middle childhood. This age can be the greatest of times as well as really hard times. This is a time of cognitive awareness greater than ever before with greater personality that any other them in her life. I would encourage you to embrace the potential fruitful relationship with your child. You know the situation of her more than me. Seek to counsel, understand, and bless her. I “recommend that the child see her pediatrician for a thorough physical examination. If the girl’s self-image turns out to be part of the problem,… social support” is very important to apply.
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken
I’ve noticed a real change in my seven-year-old son’s thinking. He is not as easily distracted as he used to be, and he seems to process ideas much faster. Almost every one of his skills has become more automatic and efficient. I know he is just getting more mature, but I thought early childhood was the time of rapid brain growth. Why all the changes now?
 Dear Abby,
Yes, your child’s brain is developing still. His brain’s development of Mylination, a fatty substance that speeds the processes of the brain, is developed, and the increase of cognitive efficiency is seen until he is about 16 years old. At your child’s age, automatization and many other cognitive developments are noticeable. Automatization makes reading as well as other skills as automatic in practice.
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken

What does an IQ score of 120 really mean? Is it more of an aptitude score or an achievement score? Does it change a lot over the life span? I’ve heard IQ scores are on the rise. Is this true? Is the population as a whole getting smarter? Also, what is the big controversy over IQ testing in schools? It sure seems like they give plenty of other tests.
Dear Abby,
Wow. That is a lot of questions. Haha
Yes. The IQ test is an aptitude test. “Aptitude is the potential to master a specific skill or to learn a certain body of knowledge.” The calculation of the IQ score is highly dependent on the age of the person, so it should be changing. It is a snap shot of the intelligence at that moment. Although the score should be understood as partly due to the nature of the person, “many developmentalists criticize IQ tests. They argue that no test can measure potential without also measuring achievement and that every test score reflects the culture of the people who wrote, administer, and take it.”
It is true that the IQ nations are increasing. It is “believe[d] that the reasons are environmental, including better health, smaller families, and more schooling in nations with higher scores.”
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken
Chapter 12, Letter 1 –2, & 5
My seven-year-old son’s schoolteacher referred to him as a concrete operational thinker. What does that mean? She mentioned something about logical concepts. Should I be concerned? He seems perfectly normal to me.
Dear Abby,
Concrete operational thinking and logical concepts are perceived as normal development at your son’s age of 7. Your child is perfectly normal, and there is no need to be concerned.
The teacher is talking about Piaget’s cognitive theory of child development. Concrete operational thinker is a stage that all children should pass through. It is more tangable than an abstract understanding of the world.
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken
 My eight-year-old daughter only cares about herself. She seems to judge whether something is right or wrong by whether you get a punishment or a reward. Is that normal for children her age? How do I teach her that we should do things just to help other people and our society or just because it’s the right thing to do?
Dear Abby,
Your child is in the age of concrete operational thinking. Helping is not a concrete thing. Their understand needs to become concrete. You may find teaching what helping is by giving a list of helpful concrete actions. At this age they discover the ability to categorize things. This is an age where anything can be learned.
I recommend that it you are asking for help that you asked help in a specific task.
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken
I’ve heard that children become much more pragmatic in language use during the school years.
What does that mean? What should I look for in my children to know if they are developing correctly?

Dear Abby,
The ability to use pragmatics is a good development, for it is the ability to speak to different people appropriately. You can coach them through this skill, but there will not be a problem in its development.
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken
Chapter 13, Letter 1 – 3
How old should children be before they can stay home by themselves? Are there certain indicators that would suggest they are old enough? Also, I was wondering about baby-sitting other children. Is there a certain age or skill set that is required?
Dear Abby,
The age 7 – 11 years old is called middle childhood, and this is an age of great independence. They can take care of themselves. They can prepare themselves food and live with stable and safe actions. There is a high probability that they will not feel a frightened without the presence of a guardian.
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken
 My son hates school and his grades have declined sharply, but he won’t tell me what is going on. I think he is having a hard time making friends and sometimes gets picked on. Could he be drawing negative attention to himself? Are some children more likely to be bullied? What should I do?
Dear Abby,
This is an age of emotionally driven actions. Emotions are only temporal, but middle childhood age people let it determine their attitude. Piaget noticed that there is a decision/feeling to be had in this age. It is between industry and productivity or inferiority. One suggestion that I have is to make a productivity feeling for him independent from his peers and school. Life is not about peers or school. It is about family; therefore, with the family, since it is independent, you can make a new life situation for him. Maybe you can take him out to do stuff with his father or cousins.
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken
 I’m a single mother. I get overwhelmed at times but seem to be doing all right. Do children really need a father? My children have a male school-teacher, and they occasionally see their grandfather. Isn’t that enough? What insight or suggestions do you have for me? Can any family type be equally successful? I don’t think a mail-order husband is in the future for me.
Dear Abby,
Children don’t need a father, and they can do fine. Children would like to have a meaningful relationship with at least one parent. Children are very resilient to difficult situations, but they are not invinsible to a lifestyle with limited care from guardians can damage a good soul’s nature.
Having one parent is weak, and communities of most sorts are constructive to satisfying their needs. An extended family would have a very good influence on children.
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken

Unit 3 of Dear Abby

Chapter 8

My three-year-old is driving me crazy! He is so picky! He will only wear certain clothes. He is a very picky eater. I wonder if he is eating enough. He’s getting much thinner and doesn't eat as much as he did when he was younger. This morning, he had a fit because I gave him a new toothbrush that was a different color than his old one. Have I done something to make him so picky? What should I do to prevent him from becoming a spoiled brat?

Dear Abby,

You are a great parent, and your child is just going through a phrase, which people refer to a “just right” stage. It is a phenomenon seen in children about the age your son’s. According to studies, the age of your child of three is a time when this phrase is at its peak, and it will go back to normal by the age of six.

Another thing that you are observing is natural also. Your child’s body is getting as skinny as it will ever be. It is natural for this age. Since you are a good parent, you have nothing to worry about. Don’t change how you are a parent and be patient. He will eventually learning in his age to not be so picky about his food. These eating habits that you are to be developed are not causing your child to loose wait.

Sincerely

Alexander Hicken

My four-year-old daughter seems to process ideas very slowly. Are girls slower at processing information? I’ve heard if children go straight from sitting to walking without crawling it causes brain development problems. She scooted but didn’t crawl much. And now she has a very difficult time skipping. She always leads out with the same leg and really doesn't swing back and forth. Is that normal for a four-year-old? How can I tell if something is wrong?

Dear Abby,

It is interesting that you have noticed that the thought processes are slow. There is a development in the brain of your daughter called myelination. This process is a time when myelin, a fatty substance that speeds up thought processes, coats the ‘axons’ of the brain. This process is mostly complete y the age of five. The thinking of your child has always been slow.

Crawling is actually not necessary in the physical development of a child, and some cultures stop their children from crawling. Another thing that is interesting is that your child is developing on pace. Children on average learn how to skip by the age of five. Is it interesting that a child naturally explores the rhythms of physical skills at that age of movement?

Signs that tell people that their children are not progressing correctly are usually indicative of mental disabilities. Children are progress in the same way, and their progression may be quicker or slower than the average. This pace should not be a worry of a parent; unless, there are signs of mental disability. Signs can be noticed in the delay of physical and speech development. “Infants with profound retardation may have poor muscle tone, poor suck, or an inability to coordinate suck and swallow, according to the AAFP.” Milestones for a couple physical developments and the times of estimated achievement are “roll over by six months or crawl by 12 months.” On the speak end, the “inability to repeat sounds by three to six months, or a lack of babbling by five to nine months are signs of delayed speech and can indicate a possible disability.”

http://www.livestrong.com/article/69530-signs-mentally-challenged-baby/#ixzz2B6DMxNwa

Sincerely

Alex Hicken

My son is almost four years of age and can’t tie his own shoes. He’ll be going to school soon and I’m worried that his poor fine motor skills will be a problem. He still draws stick figures that are nothing more than a head with arms and legs attached. He can kick a ball and loves to ride his tricycle, but can’t hop on one foot very well. He also has trouble with art projects that use scissors. Sometimes he doesn’t even know which hand to use. He often uses both hands when coloring with crayons. Would it be wrong for me to encourage him to use his right hand? What is developmentally appropriate for children his age? Are boys slower at developing fine motor skills than are girls?

 Dear Abby,

At age 4  children are learning the following skills: “Catch a ball (not too small or thrown too fast), Use scissors to cut, Hop on either foot, Feed self with fork, Dress self (no tiny buttons, no ties), Copy most letters, Pour juice without spilling, and Brush teeth.” Your child is not behind the average pace of learning physical abilities. I would not advise to encourage your child to use his right hand. In this age your child is developing the connections between his right and left brain, and his preference to either side will come naturally. Your child’s soon experience in schooling should not expect your child to do things beyond their cognitive and physical abilities, and neither should you. The forcing of the child to learn to use his right hand when he is left handed is messing with the development of the child’s brain, and study have seen a thicker corpus callosum. This development is not necessary.

And the fact is true that girls develop fine motor skills about 6 months faster than boys. I assume that you know what fine motor skills are, since you asked about the time of their accomplishment.

Sincerely

Alexander Hicken

My three-year-old son loves to talk on the phone, but he doesn’t seem to understand that the person on the other end can’t see what he sees. Often he talks about things he is looking at without giving the person he is talking to any idea of what or why is talking about something. Why does he do that? Is it normal? If so, when does it change?

Chapter 9

Dear Abby,

That is a funny thing to happen, but it is normal. Children have to learn to overcome a cognitive perspective describing your child as egocentric. This is when a child things that the world revolves around them insomuch that their perspective is the only one. This is descriptive the pre-occupational stage of Piaget’s observations of childhood development, which lasts until the age of six.

Sincerely

Alexander Hicken

I had the funniest thing happen the other day. My daughter was upset because her sister had more pennies than she had. Without giving her any more pennies, I spread out her pennies so there was more distance between them. She suddenly calmed. My husband thought she just wanted the attention of someone interacting with her. But I think she calmed down because she actually thought there were more pennies when they were spread out. What do you think? Do you know why she acted the way she did?

Dear Abby,

You are a thinker! Your observation is correct. Children have a problem understanding the measurement of things. Just because the coins cover a longer distance they believe that there are more coins. This concept that needs to be learned is called conservation. When you can pour the same about of water in to different shaped glasses, she will think that one cup will have more liquid than the other.

Sincerely

Alexander Hicken

I am so frustrated with my son. He has taken picky to a whole new level. I was making a sandwich for him and accidently put some pickles on it. He quickly informed me he didn’t like pickles, so I took them off his sandwich. But he wouldn’t touch the sandwich even when I’d taken the pickles off for him. What is his problem? How should I deal with it?

Dear Abby,

There is another part of the pre-occupational stage of Piaget’s theory of cognitive development. There are several “just right” observations. One of them is that there is an irreversibility in your child’s understanding of the world. You cannot reverse how you made your sandwich to your child.

My parents never gave up teaching me to keep trying other food; however, there was a period of time in my life was I did not like bananas for a long time. It is a stage of life, and I would recommend that you do not stress it. If you fold to their objections, they may develop odd habits, if your parenting is not consistent. How can you be consistent with your parenting and not fold to their illogical state without being contentious? When I say don’t stress it, I am talking about the sandwich. You can save it for later.

Sincerely

Alexander Hicken

Chapter 10

I’m trying to teach my two-year-old son to share. Often he takes away toys from other children and doesn’t feel bad about it. But if they take toys from him, he lashes out at them. Would it be helpful to reward him with a sticker each time he shares his crayons or toys? Do you have any suggestions that might help my child be a better citizen in the nursery?

Dear Abby,

Children can learn how to learn to share as early as age two, so you are on track. I don’t think that offering the reward of a sticker for cooperation to learning the reinforced concept of sharing would be harmful. I think this method of teaching is not bad; just as long as the child is learning the skill that you want them to learn. Your child will learn the skill eventually, so there is no use stress over it.

Some ways to teach sharing naturally are to be a positive person. Confirm their positive actions. This will reinforce good habits. Dismissing their acts of emotional outbursts like anger for having their toys being taken from them is a means that will slow the development of social interactions. Your child does not always have to express or internalize in a situation of stress, if his emotional regulation is strong.

Another setting that will teach people skills is sociodramatic play. I recommend that you embrace the natural tendency to simulate or role play situations. There are several other tools that I can offer. There are tools that may be more fruitful for the temperance of your child, and I would invite you to ponder on this wise.

Sincerely,

Alexander Hicken

My husband plays rougher with our preschooler than I’d like him to. I’m afraid that such play will model aggressive behavior. My husband thinks I’m being to “girly” with him because I let him play dress-up games and let him play with his sister’s baby doll. We’re both worried that he doesn’t play very interactively with others. He just does his own thing. What advice do you have for our play problems?

Dear Abby,

I don’t see a problem in your play. No child will act as you think that they should. The amount of time that you give to your child in play is impressive, and I like how personal that it is. I would encourage you to go out to perhaps the park or get to know your neighbors to see the young parents as you that may have children the same age as yours is.

Both ways that you play with your son is good. Rough and tumble play is found to be normal, and I applaud your social play with your child too. Your example of social interaction will be reflected in your child. I recommend that you get to know families about your age. Get involved in your community, and enjoy the human relations within families as well as your great personal play that you give. Developing a network of friendly parents can be good, so you may perhaps go out with your husband on a date; then, your child can play with another child.

Sincerely

Alexander Hicken

I don’t want to be a wimpy parent, but I also don’t want to be mean. My wife loves our children but has a hard time saying no. She is afraid it will hurt their self-esteem. I think our children are beginning to take advantage of her. She expects me to be the disciplinarian, since I’m the man of the house. I don’t want my children to see me as the one who is always correcting them. How can we give our children healthy guidance and boundaries without being harsh or mean? I want my children to love me and know that I love them.

Dear Abby,

I would encourage you to be real with your children. Your child will learn social relations from you as foundational to your children’s understanding. You need to be responsive to the needs of the child though. Express as much love as you can to your children. Seek a trusting fatherly relationship, offering your wisdom. I feel that it is good to be strict. When they approach adolescence, you need to learn how to respect their maturity. From my experience; although I never parented, I see that the way to raise a child is different from that of your child grown up. My father has referred to my mother not adapting well this way, but it is opinion.

You will need to discuss standard of parents that you and your wife will both uphold.

Sincerely

Alexander Hicken

Unit 2 of Dear Abbey

These are other writing expected of me, but these are assigned by my Childhood Development Class.

Chapter 5

My baby was 6 pounds at birth and now, four months later, weighs about 9 pounds. The doctor said his weight is in the 20th percentile. My husband and I are both large people so I was a little surprised. I’m breastfeeding and have not yet introduced any supplements or solids. Should I be concerned? Most of the growth he has experienced seems to be in his head. Does the head grow at the same pace as the rest of the body? If it’s because of the brain, why does it grow so much in early childhood? After all, he hasn’t learned that much yet.

Dear Abbey,

 A child in the 20th percentile is not one that you should be concerned with because you are providing everything readily. The earliest that I would recommend you to begin feed your child addition food is at the age of 6 months.

I would exhort you to trust nature more, for there should be nothing wrong with your child. Your child was born with 25 percent of the weight of his brain, and it should triple in weight by age 2. The growth of the brain to be able to accomplish the cognitive grow that you have referred to is so great the head and brain is closely monitored to have this growth that you are observing.

I like that you want to know what is good for your child.

Sincerely

Alex

My newborn daughter seems to sleep all the time. Sometimes she wakes up just long enough to eat. Is that normal? The worst part about it is that she is more likely to be awake at night than during the day. My friend says I should not let her start any bad habits and should be insistent on a schedule where she eats during the day and sleeps at night. I’ve tried to let her cry it out a few times, but it seems to be hard on all of us. Also, she seems to sleep better when she sleeps with us. Is this OK? Is it dangerous for her to sleep with us? Lastly, is it better if she sleeps on her stomach or her back?

Dear Abbey,

Do you really believe that man knows what is best for a child, ignoring the natural tendencies of child? Children will adapt to normal life. Your child wants to live like you, but it should not be forced. This development can be delayed as long 4 or 5 years, if you seek to develop a “mature child’s habits” of eating during the day and sleeping at night from the beginning of her live. When children are able to adapt to life at their own pace this maturation is much more quickly to a more normal sleeping and eating pattern.

Sleeping with your child is a controversial action. Sleeping with your child makes life most easy for the child and you; however, it is also dangerous for the child’s life. A soft bed, blankets, and sleeping in the wrong position are situations that are life- threatening. You can possibly crush the child, when you move in your sleep. Newborn children should be placed to sleep near their parents not on the bed and on their back. These are the most official recommendations. If you want the best of both worlds, you would have to sleep without sheets on a hard mattress.  The professional advice is that you should not sleep with your daughter.

Sincerely,

Alexander Hicken

I’m worried about my infant son. I think something is wrong with his eyes. They don’t seem to be connected right. One eye seems to look one direction and the other eye another direction. Also, he doesn’t look at things unless they are really close. Does it sound like he has vision problems? I’m in the dark on where his other senses should be also. What should I look for? I do, however, think his fine motor skills are doing fine because he has a strong grasp and will already move his legs in a stepping fashion if I hold him up so he can pretend to walk. My husband just thinks it’s reflexes, but I thought those had more to do with sucking. How old are they before they sit up, crawl, or begin to walk?

Dear Abbey,

Your child is mortal. He will not be born with his eyes working properly. This is normal. Your child should have developed binocular vision as he turns 14 weeks of age. Binocular vision is the normal eye development that you are looking for.

Concerning the gross development unto walking, I encourage you not to force this development. Children seek to push their limit on their own. Your attempts to accelerate this growth can be harmful. There is a natural reflect to move the legs in the walking movement if held in that position. You can see growth every three months. Your son with be able to sit comfortably in your arms or supported as he has lived his third month. At his sixth month they should be able to sit on their own will. The ninth month is when they begin practicing standing, and an average child walks at his first birthday.

Your child is developing well.

Alex

Chapter 6

My infant son used to put anything in his mouth, but now he seems to be more selective. He won’t even take a bottle unless the nipple is a certain shape. And his rooting reflex seems to be gone. Is it normal for children to become picky? My friend says it’s tied to his cognitive development. If so, what other indicators can I look for to chart his cognitive progress? Are there certain milestones I should look for? How can they really tell if children are learning, since children don't have the language skills to express themselves?

Dear Abbey,

Your child has learned to habitually drink from the nipple that you have bought for him. This shows that he has adapted, developing a habit. Habits are extremely hard to brake in babies; especially when it satisfies his need for comfort. Your son likes its pacifier, and he is going to give it up. This happens after the first month or so. There are progressive steps to the cognitive development of your child.

There are the primary, secondary, and tertiary circular reaction stages of development in the theory of cognition, which Jean Piaget put together. There are many thoughts concerning the stages of cognitive growth of children, but I will inform you of Piaget’s concepts, since he is the figure-head of the theory.

Your child is in the primary circular reaction stage, but the secondary circular reaction stage will begin around be 4th month of mortality, approaching the Tertiary circular reaction stage by his 1st birthday, and this stage will last one year. They are called circular reaction to be self-explanatory. Children continually need to do the same thing over and over to effectively understand life and develop their brain. There are 2 steps in each stage connected in development for each stage.

After turning reflects into habits in the first stage, the second stage seeks after more memory. They make experiences of joy for themselves, trying to lengthen these experiences. They may grab at your hair over and over again. In the second step, children have a goal in their acts. After they learn the natural reactions to their actions, they attempt to choose and anticipate the fruits of their acts. They may act to begin a game that you have played with them.

After your sons first year of age, they become “little scientists” according to the terminology of Piaget. Since they are coming to understand life, they continue to try to understand the world, becoming more independent. An example of a “little scientist” is that your son may wonder how the toothpaste in the tube does not just fall out, so he will realize that squeezing it out make the substance come out of the tube.

In the last six months of the Tertiary Circular Reaction Stage, they can predict by cognitive processes that will happen without experimentation with simple problem solving skills. They begin to put two and two together.  For example they realize that pulling the tail of a cat and the reaction is constant; therefore, he may quit pulling the cats tail.

These are the cognitive developments of the first couple years of a child. I would not worry about whether you child is learning; unless, his development does not match these average cognitive developments because your child is adapting to live, which is a sign of intelligence, making millions of mental connections. Have fun and enjoy your son.

Sincerely

Alexander Hicken

How old are children before they learn to speak in full sentences? I know children all over the world learn to speak their own language, but are the process for learning language similar for all children? My husband thinks learning English takes children longer than most of the other languages. What are some of the key milestones in learning language that I might look for? Does it help or hurt if I speak baby talk to my baby? My son is almost 18 months old and hardly says anything, and when he does speak, it’s usually just a single word. Is that typical? I would appreciate any ideas you might have for helping me teach my child to speak.

Dear Abbey,

Children’s language develops late beginning in the second half of the child’s second year of life. Since your child in 18 months old, just beginning learning how to speak is on pace of excellent cognitive development. Your child can speak sentences as early as his second birthday. It is amazing that he will learn how to speak with a great number of words in just six months. Soon your child will have a vocabulary that is exploding, learning up to one hundred words a month. These are some of the greatest averages seen. You seem to have high expectations for the learning of our language of your child.

There is a similar development process for all children; although, your husband is right the strict grammar expectations of English makes the learning cognitively more difficult; therefore, slower. 

Children can connect an object to sounds they not be the real word pronounced, but they can have a few words to speak at his first birthday.

Babbling and these relations begin about six months into his first year of life, lasting about three months. Children begin communicating by their fourth month of age; other-than, the year mark to learn words, the slow development of vocabulary between, the explosion of vocabulary in the eighteenth month, and the sentence formulations at his second birthday, you will see that your son will be able put two words together when he is about 21 months old.

The relations that can be developed with babbling is developing of a great relationship especially as you come to know the words that are not pronounced well, but they have been made with connections subjects. You could have begun a communicating relationship with your child before he was six months old. This deep relationship of communicating can be developed even before he is born. Reading to him in your womb can lay a good foundation for language learning. Keep a good level of talking in your household. You alone don’t teach language to your child. He is always learning.

I am grateful to hear of your care and expectations for your child.

Alexander Hicken

Yesterday I had such a fun time playing with my baby. It was almost like we were dancing. I'd smile and then she'd smile. I'd make a noise and then she'd make a noise. We played the same game today, and she acted like she had never done it before. Is it normal for babies to have such a poor memory? Are there certain things that they are more likely to remember? Are there things that I can do to help my baby’s memory? Come to think of it, I can barely remember anything from my own preschool years. Could it be genetic?

Dear Abbey,

It is sad that your children will not remember the great love an time that you spend with your children; however, there are two types of memory that you can play with. They are named implicit and explicit.

Implicit memory is the ability to recall something, but it is dependent on external source. They cannot remember something on their own; unless, it is presented to him. Should we give up since they cannot remember on their own will?

This ability is called explicit memory, which has been found to be developed cognitively as early as six months of age. Children may not remember what happened a couple weeks ago unless reminded until they reach the age of three months. Reminder sessions are can help your children remember observable actions. What can they remember, and what do you want them to remember without explicit memory abilities? Your endeavor to understanding of your child’s remembrance makes me think.

What is most important in raising children? What should we make as their earliest memories? How early are these earliest memories? Is this important? Why? How can we make happen? How will this bless your child? Is messing with this bad to have a cause in raising your child from the beginning?

How important is the cause of intellectual development? Is getting ahead of the majority of people what you want for your children? Is this an expression of love to accelerate the development of your child? Is this what is best for children?

Thank you for your letter

Alexander Hicken

Chapter 7

My daughter used to go to anyone, but now she cries and acts scared of almost anyone outside of our family. I'm worried about it because I need to go back to work soon, and I'm afraid that child care will be a disaster. She was scared of Santa and wanted nothing to do with him. Is there a certain age when stranger wariness and separation anxiety are more common? My husband believes my own anxiety over leaving her is contributing to the problem. Is that possible?

Dear Abbey,

I assume that your daughter has barely past her first birthday, for at this time with all the acquired they intensify anew at this year; furthermore, your anxiety can have a little effect on your child. Your nature is reflected in your child.

Thank you for your reference in your worries,

Alexander Hicken

Take care

How old are babies before they experience fear or other emotions? It seems to me that fear is a learned emotion. Are all emotions tied to cognitive development? When my daughter looks in the mirror, she acts as if a stranger is looking back at her. How old are children before they become more self-aware? Is self-awareness required for other emotions to develop?

Dear Abby,

I don’t think emotions can be learned from what I understand. The multiplicities of emotions are obtained upon cognitive developments. It’s interesting that you try self-awareness to emotions. It makes sense that you tie human relations to our emotions. A lot is dependent on it; in fact, self-awareness is foundational to many emotions. Contentment is inborn upon comfort. The joy of laughter is often obtained by her 3rd month. In this time, the joy of human relations opens up a new means of interaction and life. Anger often comes between 4 – 8 months of age.

A couple fears are developed about the time of her first birthday, but it can be as early as her ninth month. There is a feel of new social interaction and new sudden situations.

Then you beloved self-awareness is developed 6 months later, which will come with pride, embarrassment, and shame.

You are a good thinker, but I beat that it is hard for you to find the knowledge that you want to learn. Tell me what you learn. Talk to you soon.

Alexander Hicken

I've heard that if you are too strict with babies it can cause problems with their psychosocial development. Is it true that they can become fixated on certain issues or stages if you're not sensitive enough or don't give them enough freedom? What happens if they become fixated? Are most of the theories in agreement about how to respond to young children? My brother says it's just a bunch of psycho mumbo-jumbo that is unsupported by research; any thoughts?

Dear Abby,

Child development is a science, and theories need a lot of evidence to hold status of its name. The main theory that I think that you are referring to is Freud holds the Psychoanalytic theory, saying that there are two sexually drives to come settled with to have healthy development. The first of which is the body part of the mouth, driving the child to breastfeed, for this is fundamental to a child’s life. The second has to do with the anus. If one is forced to wean of breastfeed or begin toilet training too soon, there are fixations on these pleasure points. The people that are fixed on their oral development are found eating, drinking, chewing, biting, or talking excessively; additionally, those that are denied the personal right to settle with their anal needs are seen to be seek deep control of every aspect of their life, since they were unable to choose the time of their learning of how to learn for themselves.

Erikson is another Psychoanalytic theorist spoke of the need of the individual choice saying the other characteristic developed is a self-doubt.

The cognitive theory holds that the way that you raise a child is the perceived norm for a human relationship, but these norms can be moldable, working models, a standard for their relationship. Other close relationships can change their working model for relationships.

These are the theories held to be true by developmentalists.

I hope that this answers your question

Alexander Hicken

Unit 1 of Dear Abbey

Unit 1: Dear Abbey

These are other writing expected of me, but these are assigned by my Childhood Development Class.


Letter 1 Chapter 2
My teenage daughter has a bad habit of chewing her fingernails. Someone told me it might be because I didn’t breastfeed her. Where would such an idea come from? Could it be true? How would you recommend we help her break the habit of chewing her fingernails? I’ve heard conditioning is one method that can be used. What is it and how would I go about doing it?

Dear Abbey,
 I don’t believe that there is a relation between you not breastfeeding your daughter and her biting her fingernails. Sigmund Freud, the mind begin one of the founding theories of human development, claims in his Psychoanalytic Theory that satisfying the pleasure sense in the mouth when born is the beginning to a good life though. If you have another child, I recommend that you breastfeed your child, since it is the most natural way to give your child the proper nutrition.
Yes. Conditioning is an effective way to progress your daughter beyond this habit. Operant Conditioning is the way that we are advised to steer a child to have healthy habits. The theory that conditioning is from is called behaviorism, believing in animal instincts. This is useful when raising children, since we cannot communicate with then intellectually at times. Conditioning is about reinforcing the desired behavior by punishment or reward. You will need to use your imagination to discover the appropriate awards and punishment to use especially at her age.
Maybe you should talk to her about breaking bad habits, and if she agrees to your desire, after a week or two of forsaking her habit you can pay for her to have pedicure done. If you already do this routinely, you can punish her by withholding the pedicures until she quits.
You need to be careful about her personality though, finding a punishment that would apply to her. If she does not even care about a pedicure, the reward or punishment may not help affect her actions.
Sincerely
Alex Hicken
It seems someone in my family is always having a crisis. My older daughter is always worried about boys, my teenage son seems lost and uncomfortable in his own body, and my youngest girl refuses to give up diapers and move to the toilet. I’ve heard the theorist Erik Erikson believed crisis was part of life and that it opened the door to growth. Is this true? What are the basic principles of his theory and what recommendations would you offer a frustrated parent for working through these issues?

Dear Abbey,
Erikson’s philosophy is that there is a psychosocial element to life. He line up opposites that we face from the beginning of life that we should be careful of especially as parents raising a child. These opposites are personal characteristics of attitudes cultivated in life. I will list them for you
Average ages, which we face these crises.
Trust vs. Mistrust                                                             From Birth to the age of one year old
Autonomy vs. Shame and doubt                               From the age of one to three years old
Initiative vs. Guilt                                                             From the age of three to six years old
Industry vs. Inferiority                                                   From the age six to eleven years old
Identity vs. Role Confusion                                          Adolescence
Intimacy vs. Isolation                                                      Adulthood
Generativity vs. Stagnation                                         Adulthood
Integrity vs. Despair                                                        Adulthood
These attitudes are highly influenced by how a child was raised by their parents. Autonomy and Doubt are opposites, having to do with the trust of your physical capabilities. If a parent limits the actions of play and activity of a child because you don’t trust them, they will lack trust with themselves. Limiting the trust of an individual slows progression and the person’s initiative.
I propose an attitude shift. The plasticity of a soul is great, meaning the person’s ability to change. I believe that your family can be built on the attitude listed on the left side. Piaget’s Cognitive theory esteems our thoughts to be foundational to the actions, attitudes, and (I believe) emotions of man. If you have the desire have this change, I recommend a study of wholesome books that would be instructive for life. The knowledge of a more optimistic philosophy will change the attitude of the whole family, if it is led by the example and teaching of the parents of the household.
Sincerely
Alex Hicken
I’m looking at various preschool programs for my daughter. Several have mentioned that they follow a Piagetian or Vygotskian approach. I’m not sure what that really means; can you enlighten me?

Dear Abbey,
It is exciting that you can afford to put your daughter in a preschool. Jean Piaget and Lev Vygotsky are both theorist of human development. Their views on raising your child are very different.
Piaget’s theory states that your daughter is in a period called Preoperational. This period is known for great creativity, and verbal communication is a good tool for this age. I expect that the preschool will embrace these attributes of the Preoperational Period. Jean Piaget believes in the power of thought and pushing the limits of learning by thought; although, they understand the psychology that in this preoperational age of the children are egocentric.
Lev Vygotsky learned to respect the traditions and view of each culture on raising children. He is the father of the Sociocultural Theory on the development of man. The Sociocultural theory holds the interaction of humans in our societies as most instructional. It claims that without instruction intellectual development will be slowed. I expect that the Vygotskian Preshool will seek to keep the learners in their ‘zone of proximal development.’ This includes a knowledge of your children and the what should be taught next, keeping the environment exciting and challenging.
Thank you for trusting my wisdom,
Talk to you later Abbey!
Alex Hicken
My sister is having twins and it has raised my curiosity about my own prospects for having twins. Do multiple births run in families? If so, is that true for both identical and fraternal twins and/or multiples? Are the incidents of multiple births rising or do we just hear more about them today? If one identical twin acquires an addition or disorder such as autism, does it mean the other one will also acquire the disorder?

Dear Abbey,
The chances that you have twins are purely by chance from what I have learned. Multiple births are not more in your family than in any other. Identical twins are a lot rarer than fraternal twins. It is interesting that you wonder, if multiple births are increasing, and you observation is correct.
It is by the modern advances of medicine, health, and science, which is increasing the multiple births. This phenomenon is increasing the risks for the mothers and babies. The women that were unfertile and women seeking greater fertility have increased the multiple birth rates fivefold.
Concerning the risk of identical twins suffering the same genetic disorder, it is true, for they both have the same genetics from their parents.
It’s good to hear about your family. How are you?
Sincerely
Alex
We’ve been married for several years and have been unable to get pregnant, though we’ve tried almost from the beginning. Are fertility problems common? Is it usually the man or the woman who may have a problem? Are there ways we still might be able to have a child?

Dear Abbey,

I am sorry to hear of the sorrow that you and your husband may be enduring. You desire is great, but several years is longer than the measure of infertility.
Infertility affects ten percent of women; however, infertility is equal among humans. Infertility is not a permanent case in many cases. There is still hope, but infertility deemed upon whether you failed to get pregnant trying for one year.
I am sorry that I have to inform you of this by a letter.

Sincerely

Alex

I understand that boys are more likely to be colorblind than girls and that the disorder is most likely to be inherited from the mother. That makes no sense to me. Please explain. Are there other disorders or conditions that are more likely among girls or boys?

Dear Abbey,
I understand that genetics are hard to understand. Boys are colored blinded a lot more than girls because the last chromosome of our DNA decided our gender. Girls always have an X chromosome, but the sperm of a man can have either the X or Y chromosome. Men therefore alone decided the gender of all children. X chromosome don’t match Y very well, so when an X chromosome has the recessive gene of color blindness. There is nothing much to fight it in terms of the Y chromosome.
Do you have additional questions?
Sincerely
Alexander Hicken
Can things I ate before I found out that I was pregnant impact the development of my baby? I heard that it is really only in the first trimester that you have to be real careful about what you eat and be careful about taking prescription medications. Is it true that the placenta prevents toxins from influencing the baby, unless it’s very high doses? What are the most common things I have to be careful about eating, drinking, or taking into my body? Also, if I eat well, do I really need to take a prenatal vitamin?

Dear Abbey,
Preparing to have a baby should not be taken lightly. The life that you live will be reflected in the health of your child. Experts encourage couples to “stop using recreational drugs, update their immunizations,” and eat a “balanced diet with extra folic acid and iron.”
Foods that are recommended to avoid is prescription drugs; mercury, which is found in a lot of fish; caffeine; Alcohol; and Tobacco. These are the common foods, but recreational drugs in the great horror of what can be viewed a recreational drug are to be forsaken.
A placenta is a great protection for your future child, but they should not be taken for granted, for teratogens, a list of harmful substances, can be absorbed through it.
Prenatal vitamins are highly recommended to take especially when pregnant. They are provided to insure that your child gets enough nutrition. It is difficult for people to get a good amount of nutrition for themselves much less two people.
Good luck on having a child!
Alex Hicken
I’m pregnant and still in high school. I’m not sure I’m ready to have a baby. I’m still in my first trimester and my friend said the baby is more like a clump of cells than a baby at this point. When does my pregnancy turn into a real baby? My friend had a baby and it came several months early. Is that more common for teenagers? How old does a baby have to be before it can survive outside the womb? Are their certain things that have to develop before it can survive?

Dear Abbey,

I am grateful that you are asking good important questions to be mature and informed about taking care of the possible child that you will be bearing.

The child that you are developing in your body should not be underestimated. 4 weeks into your pregnancy the embryo most likely already has a primitive heart pumping blood throughout his body. You child has developed his eyes, nose, and digestive system three weeks later.  You child should have most everything beginning to be forming by week 8. The child in you is developing at a rapid pace. If you are late into you first trimester, you have already reached the few stages final stages of your child’s development, since your child would already a fetus. The age of viability, the stage in which is can survive without further development is usually at the age of 22 weeks old.

At this age of viability the development of the brain in the fetus as grown to be self-reliant, regulating needs such as the breathing and the sucking.

Preterm births are more common among teenage mothers because they are more immature and irresponsible than that of an adult. The unstable and unbalanced diet has become a concern for professionals for symptoms of low birth weight and small for gestational age are often the case for these new mothers. These symptoms are caused by a slowing development of the expected growth of a child.

I hope that I was informative enough to answer your questions, but don’t quit learning how to take care of your child.

Sincerely

Alex

We’re expecting our first baby and are so excited. My husband laughs at me because I want to read to our baby even though it’s still in the womb. Are a baby’s senses active before he or she is born? If so, how early in the pregnancy are they functional?
                                                                                                                                             
Dear Abbey,
Congratulations. I am happy to inform you that your child has been hearing and absorbing in his soul the love of your household since the age of viability about 22 months into your pregnancy. The bond that you create with your child will be very powerful especially since you cared for your child before be felt the world beyond your womb.
Thanks for keeping in touch
Alex

Mai khao jai

This morning I was browsing through my learning Thai apps, and I have in "Thai lite." I saw mai khao jai, and remembered that from the MV from my favorite singer that I shared before. It means I don't understand. ผมไม่เข้าใจครับ are the Thai words for it. The complete pronunciation pom mai khao jai krap.
The app restricts the words, requiring me to buy the app. It is kind of weak because it does not seem that you can copy and paste the  phrase that you learned. Practicing typing is nice though.
One error in my typing application for Thai is that there is a little thing following the last character that I write. You may recall that the thing was on a letter from the word that I typed.

I will add the MV, so you can remember mai khao jai, or pom mai khao jai krap. :) (The little thing has seemed to disappear, since I pressed enter to go down to the next line, but I don't think that these little tricks should be needed to be learned.)

่

Pom khao jai means I understand with the words symbolized as ผมเข้าใจครับ. เข้าใจมั้ยครับ is the question 'do you understand?' And it is pronounced as khao jai mail krap. ้

Sorry. OMG

I have been trying to learn some phrases by watching some Thai TV with English subtitles, but it is not going well. The phrase that I learn is OMG, but as a christian, I don't ever want to say that. I remember the phrase dilao as the phrase. I looked it up on Google translate to confirm, but the translator says that the phrase is different from what I remember. Since I don't care to learn it. I am not going to ask my mother.
It seems that common phrases are learned when watching Thai TV. 'I am sorry,' 'excuse me' or 'sorry' is the second phrase that I learned. ขอโทษ 'call toad' sounds like the phrase, but toád is a short vow. The 'd' is extremely quick perhaps silent. Adding krop to the end would make it formal for a male, but girls would at ka at the end.

This is the show that I watched the first episode of. The story is so predictable that I will probably look for another to watch, but here it is.